Wang's Kitchen

i don't want to be an emotional beggard no more.
nowadays, token handouts just don't cut it with me.

Alcohol is:

a clutch to my brain,
so I can downshift my revolutions;
stop safely by the side,
to look away from
the blinding light
in the mirror
in the darkest of nights,

that is you.

as i recalled earlier this year in one of my posts:

"i believe now is one of the high points of my time in madison"

and at the time i recalled mentioning to one of my housemates that i was expecting a big dip to happen next because of The Law of Conservation of Shit.

me and my big mouth.

i guess thats where i am right now init. at the bottom and wavering there. i'm going not going to type some emo shit because i'm not feeling so shattered now and its just a little up from the downs i'm having recently. no make that a level numbness. hopefully it climbs a little tomorrow. i need it.

believe me i want things to be back to normal. but its hard when its just .. i dunno. its just a vicious cycle between sadness and anger and disappointment.

i would love to have back the grey monotonous average ; some little victories interspersed with minor anti climaxes will do. too much drama, self induced, induced or otherwise is not good for my soul.

i can't get through this week. too painful.