Friday, April 28, 2006
Wind asked me, when he came for a visit, how did i ever get used to being so alone here.
I couldn't really answer at that time, but the fact is, you don't. if you do you'd have lost all your humanity.
you just get on with it and bitch about it on friday nights when you go back to solitary confinement in your room hoping the alcohol will warm you up when you sleep with the windows open.
and the worse part is
i think the next year in singapore and the following four at Long Island is going to be the same as now.
the ironic thing is that its the only thing keeping me alive and on my toes and buried in my work. i need it to push myself, yet i hate myself, and hate it for doing what it does to me. turning me into a machine.
I couldn't really answer at that time, but the fact is, you don't. if you do you'd have lost all your humanity.
you just get on with it and bitch about it on friday nights when you go back to solitary confinement in your room hoping the alcohol will warm you up when you sleep with the windows open.
and the worse part is
i think the next year in singapore and the following four at Long Island is going to be the same as now.
the ironic thing is that its the only thing keeping me alive and on my toes and buried in my work. i need it to push myself, yet i hate myself, and hate it for doing what it does to me. turning me into a machine.
