Tuesday, July 12, 2005
somehow, i'd wish i've learnt to be a cocky bastard from the start of secondary school. but noooOooo i had to be that self obsessed nerd that combed my hair with Vitalis and a ruler for the parting in order to meet the fucking discipline master's requirement. 4 years of that shite gave me the supernatural ability to force myself to do anything i want out of pure discipline, but effectively removed testosterone from my balls. yes, in other words, i became a limp wristed diffident fuck. my limp wristed ballless outlook persisted throughout my NS (ask my bunkmates; they'd tell you what a obedient soldier i was), when i diverted my resources to trying to hook a scholarship than trying to maintain my relationship with my ex, which explained why it bombed terribly; and it had to be bombed after my NS, as per Murphy's law. but anyway,
nowadays i think i'm having a delayed teenhood. coming from the party school that is Madison (riots in Halloween. yearly. nuff said) and despite my near monasteric lifestyle, one still cannot be immune from this hedonistic zeitgeist that hangs around even after the weekend and that which made my free weekends (not that i had many to start with) living hell. Hence the teenager-like why-does-no-one-want-me-oo-i-hate-myself posts. Its freaking boring, to say the least. Even worse, I've been kicking myself for not having enough ballz to get the phone numbers of TWO, freaking TWO girls that I met and kinda fancied. ok. not fancied. interested WTF! i've had enough of this lack of testicular fortitude. It wasn't the failed attempted that completely pissed me off. It was the complete lack of doing something. Zhenzhi was right, at least where I am concerned. Shit.
While the idea of myself suddenly turning from sex deprived geek to sex deprived poser is not exactly entertaining, i think its time i started living again. well, at least for one more month or so.
exactly how though, thats the problem. ie, how does one appear not desperate when one is desperate as ... er.. nevermind.
on another note, who
a) likes cold weather up to -10 degrees Celsius
b) likes walking
c) likes train rides?
am planning a backpacking trip to Eastern Europe during Winter break. who wants to join?
nowadays i think i'm having a delayed teenhood. coming from the party school that is Madison (riots in Halloween. yearly. nuff said) and despite my near monasteric lifestyle, one still cannot be immune from this hedonistic zeitgeist that hangs around even after the weekend and that which made my free weekends (not that i had many to start with) living hell. Hence the teenager-like why-does-no-one-want-me-oo-i-hate-myself posts. Its freaking boring, to say the least. Even worse, I've been kicking myself for not having enough ballz to get the phone numbers of TWO, freaking TWO girls that I met and kinda fancied. ok. not fancied. interested WTF! i've had enough of this lack of testicular fortitude. It wasn't the failed attempted that completely pissed me off. It was the complete lack of doing something. Zhenzhi was right, at least where I am concerned. Shit.
While the idea of myself suddenly turning from sex deprived geek to sex deprived poser is not exactly entertaining, i think its time i started living again. well, at least for one more month or so.
exactly how though, thats the problem. ie, how does one appear not desperate when one is desperate as ... er.. nevermind.
on another note, who
a) likes cold weather up to -10 degrees Celsius
b) likes walking
c) likes train rides?
am planning a backpacking trip to Eastern Europe during Winter break. who wants to join?
