Tuesday, February 01, 2005
today was supposed to be a good day:
small triumph at the lab. no screw ups during the experiments. supervisor was quite happy and for once did not show his default lanjiaobin at me. class went fine, i did not fall asleep; managed to snuck out of Mcardle by 6 pm which is notchbad already. Usually i'd still be assraped until about 7pm.
its supposed to be a good day, but its all been overshadowed by persistent thoughts; of bad outcomes and of thoughts of not measuring up.
This hasn't happened to me in a long while, and its frickin' eating me up. I don't like it and i hate myself for acting pathetic. for printing 6 useless papers (or rather, yet to be used) for the chance of catching a glimpse of her. of catching just a smile.
if this is the way i fall into that bottomless pit of infatuation, then i don't want to go down into that stinking hole.
i have to revert back to my old self. the unfeeling drone that can chomp through tons of readings and assignments.
being human is fucking scary, to say the least.
small triumph at the lab. no screw ups during the experiments. supervisor was quite happy and for once did not show his default lanjiaobin at me. class went fine, i did not fall asleep; managed to snuck out of Mcardle by 6 pm which is notchbad already. Usually i'd still be assraped until about 7pm.
its supposed to be a good day, but its all been overshadowed by persistent thoughts; of bad outcomes and of thoughts of not measuring up.
This hasn't happened to me in a long while, and its frickin' eating me up. I don't like it and i hate myself for acting pathetic. for printing 6 useless papers (or rather, yet to be used) for the chance of catching a glimpse of her. of catching just a smile.
if this is the way i fall into that bottomless pit of infatuation, then i don't want to go down into that stinking hole.
i have to revert back to my old self. the unfeeling drone that can chomp through tons of readings and assignments.
being human is fucking scary, to say the least.
