Saturday, January 29, 2005
perhaps i'm having a delayed growth spurt, because i never really went through a teenage angsty phase. perhaps being emasculated and indoctrinated in a rigid Confucianist school was the main reason, but still i think my emotional development is lagging waay behind all other aspects, judging from the outburst yesterday. maybe i'm still a pimpled snotty ass at heart.
anyway, the calender finally arrived from amazon and hence could finally plot out the exam dates. its a sort of juxtaposition with Fall 2004. Back then the calender was marked full of dates; this time it was few and far between. I literally have too much time for myself that i keep wondering whether i've forgotten any stuff to do. More tellingly, the first stain of the year on my jeans were no coffee stains; they were tomato ketchup stains from the cafeteria. I never found time to actually sit still in bob's cafeteria (yes yx, he's named bob ;) ) and eat last semester, and now i'm spending breakfast everyday diddling about. seems like i've stumbled upon the motherlode source of time.
maybe its time to grow up. and maybe its time to stop being too hard on myself. self deprecation had always been my way of pushing myself but t'was emotionally tiring. i don't want to keep second guessing things but how do i replace my old with a new self? i like my old self and i don't wish to have a transitional phase where everything gets fuzzy and confused.
yes i will speak louder. yes i will stop making jokes about myself. yes i will somehow regain my long lost self esteem. but how should go about with the transformation ? will someone tell me here?? hello??
anyway, the calender finally arrived from amazon and hence could finally plot out the exam dates. its a sort of juxtaposition with Fall 2004. Back then the calender was marked full of dates; this time it was few and far between. I literally have too much time for myself that i keep wondering whether i've forgotten any stuff to do. More tellingly, the first stain of the year on my jeans were no coffee stains; they were tomato ketchup stains from the cafeteria. I never found time to actually sit still in bob's cafeteria (yes yx, he's named bob ;) ) and eat last semester, and now i'm spending breakfast everyday diddling about. seems like i've stumbled upon the motherlode source of time.
maybe its time to grow up. and maybe its time to stop being too hard on myself. self deprecation had always been my way of pushing myself but t'was emotionally tiring. i don't want to keep second guessing things but how do i replace my old with a new self? i like my old self and i don't wish to have a transitional phase where everything gets fuzzy and confused.
yes i will speak louder. yes i will stop making jokes about myself. yes i will somehow regain my long lost self esteem. but how should go about with the transformation ? will someone tell me here?? hello??
