Wang's Kitchen

That's it. I'm making Germany one of the places i have to see before i kick the bucket. Apart from having really freakin good composers --- Beethoven, Bach, Handel, Haydn and Mozart et. al and really scary science people, some even scarier thinkers .. Marx, von Goethe and the list goes on and on, very good cars, i think the best thing Germany has to offer is its beer...
Bavarian Weiss Beer to be exact. Nevermind it looks like cloudy urine sample produced by someone suffering from nephritis, it was....... ooooooof. It didn't taste like regular distilled piss, because it was so cloudy, but it had a character. I was at the historic german pub with Ram and his sister, and we drank the heavenly stuff from a 1.5 m long glass boot. Needless to say, I got rather tipsy and couldn't walk straight during the 2 km journey home. by the time I got back, and after certain er, machinations later, i was high. I did remember I got back at 5 pm and I was sitting at my desk muttering to Jaby "maan I can't go the halloween party tonight man, I've got history to read......", and then I attempted to blog what I was feeling at that time to no avail, started on Marx for awhile, and I did remember flopping to bed at 7pm and apart from a couple of interruptions throughout the night (I remembered jaby dressed up as a priest to take part in the halloween festivities... and oh, there was a riot again haha) I was up at 7 am today, realised I had gained an hour via Daylight Saving time, and went back to sleep, waking up exactly at9 am (3 hours later). I had no hangover, and my brain was lucid, and reset.
Despite the early retirement from Halloween, I think this was a very good weekend. very good indeed.

apart from the history prof dressing up as Lenin, the neuro prof was no less eccentric. To the consternation of the Americans, he continues talking in a stilted British accent (Zed instead of Zee)." Wot a breath of fresh air init? ", carries on swearing freely ("shit, the projector's not working again, aww.. don't piss me off"), pokes fun at american football (i don't understand a shit about the game!!!!), and tells us inane stories in the middle of the lecture and then makes lame but funny attempts to link the stories back to the topic of discussion, the most famous one being the Nepalese being spiritual (if u ask one of them whether they are Buddhists or Hindus, they will say "yes") and the fact that post synaptic potentials can be stimulatory even if they're hyperpolarising or depolarising .....took me a really long time to geddit. the silence of the whole lecture hall after his story was as thick as .... er... oh nevermind.
but i think the past few days takes the cake. in response to our being rather quiet in lecture (*bah* "i'm fed up with the whole lot of you!!") he made us sing a Scottish folk song in an attempt to "loosen us up" so every lecture one verse will put forward and we would go on for a few minutes doing the choir routine. it didn't help much, but it did confirm my suspicion that this Englishman has gone abit barmy from 30 years of no soccer, no good beer and the Wisconsin Winter.
Anyway, its Halloween season here and the whole town's going slightly crazy dressing up and walking around drunk . I'm willing to bet there is going to be another riot this year. Our neuro class got interrupted today by a roving group of buggers dressed up as cows and matadors carrying around Hifis blasting matador music. They made a 4 round foray around the lecture theatre just after we finished the choir impersonation. the Prof. was clearly bemused and kept asking them to "stay and sing the song my man!"
apart from that; i guess exams are over for now (more like a stay of execution than clemency), and i just ate freaking fish head curry!. it turns out that theres this malaysian chef working in a restaurant in the outskirts of the city and he just flown in 2 weeks ago. i was enjoying nonya sambal and beef rendang and stuff like that, when suddenly jaby moaned about fish head curry. the guy heard us talking in hokkien and whipped out the fish head curry he was saving for dinner. damn man! it was 100 percent authentic. *burP*
if that restaurant stays open by the time i graduate, i'm goddamn going to stay in Madison for grad school. sure there are good Chinese restaurants in the west coast, but where in the world are u able to find penang laksa, roti prata (canai) et. al right in your freaking doorstep away from home?

2 down 1 to go, and half my semester will be over, i will have a one week respite before a low(er) key schedule kicks in.
suppose i should be happy(ier?), but i'm not.
too numb to think about things. too busy in the lab to have fun. i suppose i'm never going to a) do summer school and b) take 18 credits of hardcore courses anymore.
i think i might have lost a year or two off my lifespan by the ceaseless mugging from june till now.
rest rest rest.
good night.

Apologies, yesterday wasn't Beethoven Day. I mixed up the real Beethoven Day with the arbitary day allocated by the online music station beethoven.com to play all the works by the Wildhaired Genius. (Now will u put the chair down and stop threatening to kill me?? oh-great-The Twin?)
It was an amazing feat for me to stuff biochem down my throat by afternoon today. Though that was great, I'm now struggling to remember what I did for zellbiologie the day before. I guess I could be approaching the limits of my not-so-infinite capacity to store information. Since almost all of the Singaporeans here are perhaps performing the same near-superhuman acts of chomping chapters, perhaps, after we die, our brains could be examined for signs of atrophy.
It would be interesting to find out what effect mugging does to the brain; and what could be done about it. I certainly hope and I don't think my brain's for the better though. I've been losing hairs lately and i'm really starting to lose weight (check out my cool stretch marks man!), something I don't think I ever did even in the army. It could also validate my longstanding hypothesis that females in research don't age at all, vis-a-vis my old supervisor back home, my former supervisor here, and the current grad student in my lab, who looks like a freakin' high school student despite being 25 or 26. Perhaps mugging affects the sexes differently; male brains implode while female brains thrive.
Hrm, someone must really do a project on this man, this is research gold, as what my uber boss will say..

Today is Beethoven Day. (Don't ask me why too man, The Twin said so). However, I've been playing Bach for mugging, since generally, at least for me, Baroque pieces are good for eating chapters. Must be the basso continuo, as it seems to have a rather calming hypnotic effect.
Anyway, I'm in the middle of cell bio. Amazing stuff, that, and the trees outside my window are finally turning yellow. Perhaps its time for Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony.
Oh, and I decided to continue with History of the Sovs. Since I'm not 4.00 anyway, theres no point making it as near 4.00 as possible.
Too bad then. Who gives a crao>

am pissed. spent 5 hours doing a repeat experiment which i know wouldn't work but my super wants to make sure. *gah* my instincts had been screaming at me:

"MY FREAKIN TRANSFECTION DIND WORK MAN!!"

and I've been trying to tell my super that I think it didn't work but too bad.. he's the boss.
5 hours wasted. And when I got back to the lab later after a abbreviated traditional Friday Dinner, the key to the darkroom was missing. Now tell me how am I going to develop my freakin gel photo.

"ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

I'd rather repeat the transfection all over again than waste my time on a Friday night making me miss the only thing I can look forward to everyweek my food my food my food my food my food!. Sigh Sigh Sigh.

history over, first round of midterms officially over. Unofficially, I'm already into my second set of exams. I should be feeling really good now, but unfortunately I'm numb. I'm either starting to be so sick of exams and books that I'm blase, or I'm on my way to a breakdown. Its been three exams that I look at them as merely obstacles to a complete night's sleep. None of the magical wonder that I used to have when learning new things.
History was the worst for me though. It's my first history course since lower secondary school and I'm enjoying it, but the stress of preparing for it has kept me up all night for 2 nights in a row and has led me to skipping a lecture. The stress not the usual exam or book stress; its that feeling that if I really screw it up, its my own fault because I was idealistic and interested enough and I thought I was ballsy enough to take an advanced course after a 8 year hiatus and I finally wanted to point the finger at those idiots who take easy courses in order to meet the 3.8 mark.
While the journey back to time has been exhilirating so far, the thought of screwing this up and consequently screwing my GPA has been pissing me off and worrying me at the same time. Finally realised that its bureaucrats who run the whole show back at my sponsor's, and bureaucrats don't know shit except GPA. No bureaucrat is going look at my transcript and say "hmm, interesting course, broadly educated chap, he is." That bitch is just going to say "Eh why no 3.8!? Send him to wash test tubes lar. Let our core 4.0 scholars lead the way." Well fuck them. If 4.0 turn out to be those wimps who take the easy way to a degree (101 introductory breadth courses for all of them, and not even a graduate course to boast of), then its "houston, we have a problem.." for us. Lenin, bastard though he is, described bureaucracy as a class that rises above society and loses touch with them. How so bloody true.

Couldn't sleep properly, kept waking up to check the clock. In the end, I woke up at 445 am and flew through 1918 to 1922 in 4 hours. Don't think the stuff its imprinted in my head though, kept getting distracted and had to brew a really powerful concoction of old coffee beans (slightly fermented, couldn't be bothered to change the grounds in the dark) and too much expresso grade coffee. Which explains the trembling in my fingers and the constant circular repetition of thoughts, both relevant and irrelevant, flying around in my head. It goes something like this :
"1922.... what the hell happened ... hrmm, I need coffee, hrrmmm why does N-WASP/WIP behave so funny in HSS har... hrmm denikin and yudenich are bastards... hrmmm i wonder how will i study for biochem... hrmm who the hell is yudenich.... hrmmm... where am i now... hrmm" you get the idea.
Had History of Science yesterday, and the Prof. was talking about the attempts to understand Insanity. Some French bugger (forgot name its too early in the morning!) attempted to classfiy Insanity into Melancholy, Idiocy and Mania. Since my behavior nowadays (and my outlook) seems to incorporate all three traits, I suppose that my friends have been right all along. I'm insane!!
But anyway, after another week of failed Westerns, I'm ready to puke at the sight of a protein gel.
What the hell am i talking about anyway? Hrmm, guess I'd be off to school then.

I am like so screwed (And I can't believe I am suddenly using the terms "so" and "like". Natives here under the age of 21 and/or who hasn't graduated from college use the above mentioned terms just as we use the terms "lah" "lor" "ley" and "then hor" ---> Liberally and literally. The only difference is that while "lah" "lor" "ley"et. al. sounds natural in Singlish, "so" and "like", when sprinkled too liberally, makes them sound really stupid. But then, its could be just me :).. losing my brain cells as I write this entry )
Planned to finish writing a critique of the cell bio paper in an hour or so, but ended up spending the entire night on it. This completely screwed my finely balanced plans, because I was planning to devote the rest of the night to study Sov. history. In particular, I've reached a messy stage in the Bolshevik revolution: The freakin' (shit another use of Americanish which I don't like to use) Civil War. In the words of the funky History prof: "Its so messy, no one really knows what who was with or against whom even today. yes, not even me."
Guess its to good ol' Plan B which I haven't used since secondary school. The time honored tactic of waking up at 5am (or earlier, my earliest was sleeping at 9 am and waking at 2 am) to jam some chapters down my throat. Of course, the hardest part is waking up.
Geez, I hope I really do wake up.

I am living under the shadow of the Leviathan. Apparently, the Leviathan has hidden ears and eyes. That shows the power of the bureaucracy.
.......
Bloody Hobbes.

the events of yesterday night left me with two hammers going at it full steam in my head. too bad, still had to mug, so i took a breakfast of tylenol and went at it. ironically, the subject was neuro, and more ironically, it was on pain receptors. while the damned things are fascinating, i couldn't really eat my chapters when my own receptors are going crazy.
anyway, went to have my saturday thali lunch, which doesnt fail to cheer me up in times like this.
the sky is no longer blue, the sun is no longer shining on this fall saturday, but the thali is still warm, the chai is still fragrant and the dhaal, simple but complicated at the same time, makes me content.
Yes, winter is coming. But i'm going home soon.

and so the gloves are off. the blog entry in August was used by the same bastard against me in some sort of a smear campaign. It was "accidentally" mailed the committee of the Singaporean Student's Association to "show" how a venomous bastard I actually am, spreading lies and desolation about the upright responsible person he has since become after winning his one man competition.
apart from the rather scathy readership of this blog, which i don't keep track of, for it serves no purpose, i make no apologies. i am a venomous bastard if provoked. No one can tell me how my mind should or should not work. my mind is my mind. no one, nor any institution, religious, political or otherwise can fuck with it.
this blog isn't written for anyone or everyone, especially that bugger. it serves merely to record the machinations of my very unique individual self as and when i feel like it. a record serves no purpose except to record.
If it brings pleasure or desolation or whatever-the-hell-one-might-feel, all very well and good. I take no credit, for the credit is yours. If i incur your own sense of self righteousness, judge me---> i don't give a flying monkey's
a thing to take note, for that person reading it: when you're on the way down, you're on the way down. no two ways about it.

3 day episode of migraine is finally over (hopefully). I think the fog in my brain and the headaches had something to do with the cold weather coming in (finally! no sweating!) and my drinking 2 pints just an hour after I took tylenol. My head is back to normal. At the very least, it seems to be able to think clearer than usual.
Anyway there was a mock debate today in History class. The prof was funky enough to dress up as Lenin (back from the dead of course), complete with moustachce and that signature cap of his to re-enact the struggle for power after he kicked the bucket in 1924. My section did Nikolai Bukharin, who was supposedly a favorite of Lenin, while the others re-enacted the other Old Bolsheviks (Stalin, Trotsky, Kamenev, Zinoviev et al.) and the farce was hilarious, at the very least. It could be the juxtaposition between historical figures and american slang (Bukharin is a flip flopper!! -- ala John Kerry; while "Comrade Tomskii's" you don't represent the people bitch!, or when Bukharin and Stalin joined forces: "yea he's my homie now bitch".. get the idea?) or just that this was one of the few lectures where no one's doing the usual routine of furious writing.
Other than that, it was work and more work and more work, the usual. Tests for the next 3 weeks , a week's break, and another 1-2-3 schedule. Sigh, I'm really looking forward to Thanksgiving. Havent enjoyed a sleep not interrupted by thoughts of coming exams for a loong while.

Relieved that last week was finally over. I wasn't sure why, but I was out of sorts the whole week. Couldn't concentrate in lecture, was constantly distracted when finishing assignments, and I felt like throwing all my books out of the window. It could be the sudden release from tension or early burn out, but whatever the case, this is a novel phenomenon and hopefully it won't happen again. Anyway, this culminated in a rather embarassing gaffe during cell bio lecture on friday:

Was daydreaming about some weird results I got from the lab a few days ago and not really listening to what the prof. was saying. And quite abnormally so, one ear was tuned to the outside world, while the other was listening to what I was saying to myself (or rather, thinking ito myself.) Then I heard him mentioning about histones and promoters : "How could one show the unravelling of DNA from a histone-DNA complex is required for efficient transcription...(or words to the effect)......"
I thought I heard promoters and i don't know why, I raised my hand and shouted "promoter bashing!!"
Prof: !
Twin + Lionel (beside me): !
Myself: ! (shit what did i just say!
Prof: ........(didn't hear properly)....... elucidate?
Myself: "mutate regions in the promoter?"
Prof: ?!
Lionel then poked me and whisper "ey wake up your idea ley brlader"
Myself: *mumble mumble*.
you get the idea. My internal checks that prevent me from saying something really stupid wasn't working that day, so.....
I'm still feeling stupid.

The thing is, we might be the only group of buggers in the world to use the word "mug" to mean study like crazy, RJ style. Mug is used here to denote a robbery. How did a word used to describe a felony end up in everyday Singaporean usage to mean someone from RJ? (I can hear the Twin getting ready to throw the chair at me as I type this blog). Ok fair one, to mean someone who er, studies too hard? And how did mugger and toad join forces to become a smelly muggertoad ( Chao muggertoad).
And they say we have no culture. Someone should do an ethnography on Singaporean terms. Or even better, the anthropology of Singlish. Seriously sial, die die must do wan. Udderwise always everli day kenna hamtam by palents and gar'ment saying we tak boleh culture sial. Mai lai la!

erm, directly after the 4 exam sequence I thought that the worst was over. Well, after looking at my calender, there might be potentially more shitty things ahead. I've got an Arithmetic Progression-like shedule: 1 exam next week, 2 next next week, and 3 next next next week. What mathematical perfection!
Remind me never to take full load again.

its amazing how good food can cheer you up. I had a failed western yesterday and naturally was upset by the time I reached dorm. So I went for the customary friday night bitching session with a couple of my friends but with a difference this time: we were going to Chautara's a Nepalese/Indian restaurant that Ram dragged me to last time. The food was 180 degrees away from last week's horrible mess that was Qdoba's. If I wanted to eat generic American (barely) edible shit, I could go straight downstairs and have my daily share; there was no need to pay 5 bux for bastardised food prepared for the faceless masses by the corporations making a quick buck. It was a huge relief that the dinner menu at Chautara was twice as good as the lunch menu. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realise that the cooks there take pride in what they're doing. If you have an element of that, even if you're an amaterish novice, people can taste that and that's a huge plus. Which is probably why home cooked food always tastes the best, in my opinion.
By the time I was finished, I was raring to race back to the lab to run another protein gel. Only the rain and the prospect of some alcohol in my system at the Union stopped me. But it was one of the more blissful Friday nights I have had for a loong time.
And the sky is so blue today...

My 4 exam sequence just ended, and I'm quite relieved. However, it will be another week before I've got another test. At least, I will have a rest.
Looking forward to tomorrow, and am determined to get some alcohol in my system.
Its time to unravel slightly.
The disjointed phrases that I type on my entry is indicative of my state of mind at the present moment: I am very dazed.
Yesterday night was the worst, because I had to prepare for two memory intensive tests at the same time. My brain was so saturated I couldn't sleep, and I kept having the premonition that I was going to get myself and my bike wrecked by a huge truck as I cross the road the next morning. I don't know how I got to sleep in the end.
Also, I just lost to a stupid white bugger in the ping pong tournament after my last exam was over. If my coach were beside me now, I'd be at the receiving end of a earful from him. I was impatient, I underestimated him, and all in all I played like shit. Seriously, had this been a real tournament I'd be crawling under the table as a punishment.
The net effect of this loss is that my post test euphoria has been effectively wiped out.
Anyway, I still got a paper to write and its ironic that I've got so much stuff to say here, but I aint got nowt to crow about in the paper.
What the hell........................................... (shit man, my syntax is going to the dogs too.. this must be the only post where I used the word "I" so liberally. *bah*)